just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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