sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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