im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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