it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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