im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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