4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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