I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
