im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Randomize
