Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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