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i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
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