Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
