he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
