How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
