What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
