you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
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Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
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I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
A bitchslap is in order.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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