I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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