Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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