Do you still have your period?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
