Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
