im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
