I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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