chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
