If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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