no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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