I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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