There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
