Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
