Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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