I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
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YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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