They should really pass out barf bags in church
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
