I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
