He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
