Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
