We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
