she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
