i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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