Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize