mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
