Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
