Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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