You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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