i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
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You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
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I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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