I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
