paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
