I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
