I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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