but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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