btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
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How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
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We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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