I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
