it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
why is half of my head shaved?
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