I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
