school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
