As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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