Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
