Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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