I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
