i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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