So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
