this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
this just has baby written all over it
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
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We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
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When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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