If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
