How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
