Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
