Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
