Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
did i walk over a car last night?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
