I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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