it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
