I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize