I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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